Dr. Cris's thoughts

An area for my thoughts and bigger thoughts but mostly for my small thoughts. Enjoy!

Thursday, July 14, 2005

Dizzy

Sometimes I get so dizzy. There are too many things to do, too many things to ponder. I can not stop the spinning of the world of course. But perhaps I would be able to stop the spinning of my world. Alas, it isn't possible. My world touches on the worlds of so many others. There is the work force, which I must participate in, if for no other reason than to feed, shelter and clothe myself. Then there is the world of my loved ones whom without I wouldn't find much meaning in life at all. And while I know that if I were to leave, they would continue on with their lives, I feel that there are certain things I must do to have my world coincide with thiers. And then there are others who have far more loved ones than I. Little people they need to care for as they grow. My responsiblities are nil compared to those. However there are even more people that let thier little ones go about the world on thier own. Spinning in thier own tiny circles with out any reason to stop or go. So many don't have radars that pick up on thier own offspring. My life, my childhood, I was an unwanted spot on the radar of my mother and her husband. Often times I wish I wasn't born. But there is no one that I can make suffer for my own existence, because they do not care. So I plod along each day with the little happiness that I find in my meager life force. One day it will end, till then, I might as well make something of this pile of cells and tissues. Maybe I can make it so I don't see my tiny world spinning. Till the day when I will have to take care of the tiny circles of others. Perhaps then, my tiny world won't matter anymore.

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